5 Lessons I Learned in 2018

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2018 was a jam-packed year full of a whirlwind of lessons. I loved it, I hated it, I enjoyed myself, I laughed, I cried, I moved on, I read 20 more books than the year before, I fought, and I made up and left one or two in the trash they reside in. 2018 was the year for me to learn more about myself, my boundaries, and my expectations. So, here are the 10 lessons I learned this year:

  1. Courage is the Best Quality and It’s the Quality I Most Respect and Admire

Unless you are oppressed and to stand up for the right thing would lead to serious oppression, violence, etc, I don’t believe there’s enough of an excuse to not speak up and do the right thing. You see something wrong? Say it. Try to change it. In the long-run, you serve to help others or in the long-run, the absence of your voice, will lead to long-term repercussions. By doing so, you normalise and enable behaviour that will be carried from one generation to the next.  

Short story (based on real events, and, nope, I wasn’t involved): A stopped being friends with B due to her lack of courage and frustration with having to stand up for B repeatedly as B could not do it for herself. A few years later B gained her courage and, separately, made a snide remark at A for not sticking around. I, however, disagree with B. The onus is not on A to mother B into developing a spine. A has no obligation to stay friends with a person they cannot respect. You need to respect that person to be able to truly love that person.

Oppression can manifest in various ways, be it through the state and authority, or it can be the oppression we do to another such as abuse. If you stand by and do or say nothing when you see harm being done to another for fear of public opinion, you are a useless goat. It is our basic human duty to ensure that harm does not come to others. Forbidding evil in your heart is the weakest part of faith (Muslim). If you only speak up when everybody else is doing it, that is not courage (to me), you are only courageous when it is convenient. Being courageous to me is the ability to speak up when you are the only one doing it or in the minority. Be a Colin Kaepernick, a Jameela Jamil. Be brave.

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And, yes, like me, when I was able to condemn Hermione for her abusive actions in my Hermione Granger – 10 Reasons Why You’re Fave is Problematic post and Hagrid in 10 Thoughts on Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

  1. If You Can’t Be Brave, Learn to Understand the Difference Between Right and Wrong

I can make some peace with that. I can tolerate that. There are a few things I will not tolerate: rape, pedophilia, narcissistic behaviour (gaslighting, minimising, deflecting, etc) and unjustifiable violence and murder (justifiable when it’s self-defence). And those who support such actions. I will not tolerate such vile actions and certainly not on my own blog which is my corner of the internet. And don’t expect me to mince my words… if you support such actions on my blog, you have forfeited your rights to my respect for you. In other words – bitch, try me.

joey

  1. The Importance of Setting Boundaries

This is one of the most valuable lessons anyone will ever learn. Know your limits. If you’re emotionally drained, don’t take on more than you can give… say no to the friend/family member. If they care about you, they’ll understand.

What are our limits to extending kindness? I believe this is a question many of us reflect on. How much is too much? How much should the give and take ratio be? Should we be kind for the sake of kindness, for the sake of moral and/or religious duty? Or should we expect something in return? And, no, I don’t mean being kind with the sole intention of getting something in return. I mean the kindness that includes overextending ourselves to the point that we feel used, where we feel like a therapist or a mother instead.

So, the question really is: should we allow others to use us? Continue being kind past the breaking point? Some might say: just be good, reap your rewards and go. But it’s not always this straightforward. Sometimes, doing so will disturb the peace of your heart because sometimes we’ll come across friends and family members in our lives who will want so much more than they actually give. Some friends/family members expect you to work overtime when you’re only being paid minimum wage whilst they only do part-time work and expect to be paid more. The give and take ratio is significantly disproportionate. You feel used. They want you to be their saviour while they cower in the corner when it comes to you.

I learned that if it disturbs the peace of your heart, to the point of over-analysis, extensive frustration and headaches, it’s time to give them as much as they give. That is, also, the only way they will learn. They will learn to take less, to use other people less, and to be less of a shitty person basically. You don’t have to entirely cut them off. You can talk to them about it and if they still don’t understand (they probably won’t if they are only concerned with themselves), then it’s time to limit your contact with them. Your mind will thank you for the reduced stress.

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  1. I Will Never Be Who I Was Before and That’s Okay

To be or not to be who you were before depression, that is the question. I think the answer will vary from person to person. Sometimes we forget that there is another option: to create a new and better version of you. Take the empathy that depression has given you, and bring back the fire that was within you before all of it happened. For some odd reason, I find that I had just as much emotion as I did before it all. And I’m good with that… some days. Life is a rollercoaster, and that’s really just the way it is.

Sophia 2.0: moody, emotional, passionate, dispassionate, floaty, biting, distracted, ideas-driven, sometimes sweet, sometimes a bitch.

  1. Don’t Forget to Take a Break

I cannot stress how important this is. Your health comes first before everything. If you aren’t well, how can you expect to perform well? Your brain needs a break just like your body needs sleep and rest. Over-working yourself could possibly reduce your productivity and creativity. However, it is always easier said than done. In the grip of a fever a few months earlier, I suddenly decided to write poetry and I can’t express how much passion was put into it. Sadly, I do find that inspiration does often strike. Maybe too often. My brain is an idea-generating machine and it’s difficult to slow it down. So, I will have to turn to you for advice: how do you get your brain to just shut up once in a while?

What are your thoughts on the lessons I learned this year? Is courage important to you? Is the bystander just as bad as the perpetrator? Would you tolerate/entertain an opinion that is the opposite of what you believe in on your blog? What would cause you to set boundaries and draw the limit? And… what lessons did you learn in 2018? Let me know in the comments!

Sopshki Out.

Connect with me:

-Let’s talk all things books on Goodreads
-Talk politics, books, TV shows, blogging and life with me on Twitter

(Featured Image Credit: Improve Your Accent)

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35 Comments

  1. I loved reading the lessons you’ve learned! Setting boundaries is definitely a big one for me as well. I agree with your thoughts on people turning a blind eye to social justice or refusing to stick up for other people. There are big and small ways to take a stand, an unabashed refusal to do so is definitely a turn off. I have cut people off for that and just antiquated ways of thinking and not listening.

    Here’s to 2019!

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    1. Setting boundaries plays such a big part in our lives, so thank God we’re both working on it, I hope you are able to do it successfully. 🌟 yep, not everyone can be bold and loud but we can in our own small little ways take a stand e.g. stop consuming Woody Allen films. I understand cutting people off, that antiquated way of thinking can make you lose your faith as well, so in a way, they end up being a negative presence in your life. Good on you for having the strength to do that.

      Since it’s 2019 now… happy new year. 🌟🧡

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  2. This reminds me of one of my favorite song lyrics: “what is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?” I think about that quite a bit. It takes some kind of courage to stand up and say this is wrong while everyone else ignores the situation. Strong moral fiber. What lessons did I learn this year? Hm. Good question lol. I’ll have to think about that…

    Oh, and meditation! I sit and try to clear my mind. Focus on my breathing. It works sometimes. My brain is loud too smh

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    1. Everyone praises it, hardly anyone does it, and when someone does it, says what should be said, they’re ostracised… funny world we live in. And a few will congratulate you afterwards, but where were they when the time really called for it? *smh* even the brave lose faith.

      That’s the second person who’s recommended meditation! I don’t know how some people are able to clear their mind? Any tips? I definitely need to try it… I was told it does wonders.

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      1. It does do wonders! I only do it for like 5 minutes lol. But I usually just sit. Close my eyes and try to clear my mind. Only focusing on my breathing. It’s very difficult to quell the thoughts in your brain but it is possible. Focus is key. I feel so much more relaxed afterwards. Especially when my anxiety gets out of control.

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  3. These are some really good things that I’ve been doing myself and it’s different. You must have had a good year because a lot of people have talked mostly about “cutting people off” and the “energy” of people instead courage within themselves

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    1. Yeah, I remember your post about being emotionally exhausted, learned a lot from it. Yep, life is changing us, who know how you or I or everyone else will be by the end of 2019? *whew* hope it works out for both of us.

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    1. Yep, I feel like we’re all trying to get a hold of these things – and you’d think that by the time we’re adults we’d just know everything (or at least enough) by now. Same for you, girl, I love that your blog has so much variety *still dying to watch Train to Busan*

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  8. I agree that over-working is absolutely terrible, but for me, I just find that I’m under-working. I always wait until the last minute to start cramming and I’m really mad at myself for making everything extra hard.

    I learned that I need to learn time management and I definitely need to learn how to make a plan. High school is so hard, my grades are dropping, like you just lose focus for a sec and you have no idea what the teacher is talking about anymore. 😦 And when the test comes, I have no idea what I’m doing…

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    1. That’s procrastination, say it with your chest. 😉 It’s annoying because sometimes I find fat procrastinating works out? But in the long-run, it is good to be prepared.

      Yes, time management is a life skill, it’ll definitely help you out! Have you thought of creating a revision timetable according to previous exam papers? I find that worked really well for me. If you set a timer for answering practise questions, I find that really helps. I hope it works out for you!

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  9. Loved the lessons!
    I have to agree with the speaking up lesson and the accepting that I’m not the person I was.
    We all grow up and change and that’s something we need to get used to ❤️

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  10. I have a question,
    Would you mind if I do a post similar to your in a way or another? I’ll make sure to mention that it was your idea but would it be ok if I did a post like it?
    I loved it so much it had me inspired, ❤️ C

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I’ll get to your other comment soon after I reply to all the comments I haven’t yet replied to… 😪 but for now, as this is immediate, just letting you know you don’t need to give credit for this because this isn’t an original idea… at this time of year, I’m sure there’ll be a few who are doing something similar to this. So, go ahead (no need to give credit) and I can’t wait to read what you’ve learnt this year! 🙂🧡

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      1. People think mercy and grace are the same thing but they are not.
        Mercy is not giving someone what they deserve when they’ve done wrong. Grace takes it a step farther and does something good for them in spite of the wrongdoing in hopes of reconciliation.

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        1. For small things, grace and mercy, sure. But if I believe that they won’t learn and it’ll affect people in the long-run? Justice. I choose justice. Or to quote Khaleesi (Game of Thrones): I will answer injustice with justice. Of course, like you said, each situation will be different and hopefully (emphasis) we can do your way instead. Or find a balance. Show both mercy and justice.

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    1. I think if you blog without breaks, you just end up burned out! Just like how we would take breaks from break, we need to take a break from blogging too. And yep, it definitely does recharge our batteries and even more excited to put out content! 🙂

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