10 Things You Need to Know About Feminism

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Feminism is defined as “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.” However, for a movement that seeks to create a better world for both men and women, it has received a significantly terrible reputation. Be it calling us “feminazi’s”, man-haters, bra-burners or even simply misunderstanding what feminism means. I’m here to clarify some basic misconceptions about feminism, so keep reading!

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  1. You can be a feminist and be a homemaker. In fact, being a homemaker can be your actual profession. How you choose to live your life is up to you and all that matters is that your profession doesn’t harm others and that you are happy. You cannot complain about a woman not having a “real job” when it doesn’t affect you. If your values centre around being a particular kind of working woman, then do you. They are not obliged to live your life for you. You have to go and live your best life and they have to go and live their best life. As actress Anushka Sharma rightly said: “The freedom to choose is empowerment.”anushka-sharma-1920x1080-sultan-bollywood-2016-733_1468670600_1468670610_800x420
  2. Your literary protagonists do not have to be a swashbuckling heroine. They can be a diplomat, a domestic administrator, an embroider, etc. They can be… feminine. *Gasp!* Like it or not, you will need the skills of an embroider and it’s all very well to go and be an awesome fighter, but someone needs to make your clothes for you, someone needs to make sure that your allies are tended to, and that your home is running well. The truth is that we need both the Arya Stark’s and Sansa Stark’s in literature. All that should matter is that they are basically good and do not intend to harm others.sansa arya
  3. You can wear make-up and not wear make-up. Embrace who you are! If you love make-up – let’s be honest, make-up is art – or prefer to go natural, it is your choice. It doesn’t mean anything, not really. It is just a preference.
  4. We encourage body positivity and we appreciate that all sizes are beautiful. All that should matter is that you are healthy, and that you are comfortable in your skin. And if you aren’t, well, we are here to support you and show you how incredibly beautiful you are!
  5. You can love who you are without bringing down another woman to make yourself feel better. It is not a competition. I repeat, your girlfriends and other women aren’t your competition. Don’t cave into the media’s poorly drawn picture of women. It’s okay to be insecure, God knows we are not perfect, but how you project your insecurity onto others is what counts. It’s okay if someone else is complimented, let them have their day, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful. You are both just fine.cardi b
  6. We don’t like being compared to other women. Polls asking which woman is hotter are highly derogatory and insulting and we are not here for it. Telling a woman that she is “not like other girls” is not a compliment. What is wrong with “other girls?” You are not scoring any brownie points by demonising my own sex. I am part of that sex. How is that supposed to be a compliment?
  7. We are not here for slut-shaming. I could not care less how many people you’ve slept with as long as you haven’t slept with a man/woman who is already in a relationship or married. I don’t care what you wear either. It doesn’t in the least bit affect our equation because, to reinforce, it has nothing to do with the person you are.
  8. You don’t need to be a “strong woman” every minute of your waking day. You are a human being, not a robot. Emotions are normal, embrace them. It is okay to cry. It is okay to not be okay. You don’t need to force a smile if that’s not how you feel. Please, remember this.
  9. Being a feminist does not mean that you will always get along with other women. Sometimes personalities clash, sometimes the puzzle doesn’t fit and sometimes they might be a bit of a prick and need to be called out. What matters is that you support equal rights and you recognise and care about issues affecting women.
  10. Feminism is for men too. We are here to break damaging stereotypes such as “men don’t cry,” “men don’t wear pink,” and men have to “man up.” Why should different rules apply when we are both human beings? How did pink even supposedly become a feminine colour? A colour is supposed to symbolise femininity, really? A colour? Also, to reinforce, more women are standing behind Terry Crews than men’s activists are! In addition, we need feminism in order to make men realise that they are not animals, that they are capable of controlling their sexual urges and that they have to take responsibility for the violence, whether physical or emotional, they inflict on both men and women. How can you be okay with women having to fear you? How can you be okay with being viewed in this light? How can you despise a movement that is attempting to elevate your reputation and status from a savage to a decent human being? For the record, I’m not saying all men are trash either because I don’t believe they all are. Having said that, where are the male feminists at? Why do we hardly hear from you? Why do you treat feminism like it’s just a “girls thing?” Real men are feminists!

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What does feminism mean to you? How has feminism affected you? If you are a feminist, tell me about the reactions you’ve received and share your story. If you aren’t a feminist, tell me why. Let’s discuss!

Sophski out.

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76 Comments

  1. I love this so so much!!! I’m kind of sick of literary characters who are always the “badass I don’t care about my appearance” type. I want a damn pink wearing, makeup wearing, just got her nails done badass. That first one bugs me so much in real life though. Being a homemaker IS a full time job and if you have the means to do that then go for it!

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    1. Yessss, say it louder for the people in the back!!!!!! 👏 It’s as if they haven’t watched Legally Blonde? Didn’t they take on board what Elle Woods, the icon, taught them?
      Exactly! As long as being a homemaker makes a person happy why should anything else matter? Let women be happy!

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      1. A male friend of mine actually got backlash for being a stay at home dad from his “friends” who said that’s a women’s job. I love him so much because his response was how his wife kicks ass at her job and how his job is to stay at home and teach their daughter to be as amazing as mom.

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    1. Actually, you’ve just given me a great idea! Mental health is finally being spoken about in schools (even though the practise often is a stark contrast to these classes), so should feminism… especially to boys.
      Thank you xx

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  3. I love it. So many people have attached a negative stigma to feminism and spread the belief that feminists are shrill harpies who hate men when this is not the case. I hate the people who believe women aren’t belittled and men can’t be emotional. Great post! You’re tackling all the big issues!

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    1. Thank you, that means a lot. 🤗 We, women, are belittled on a daily basis and men need feminism because it recognises their emotions. There is a higher suicide rate for men because of this demand for them to bottle up their emotions. We all lose when we lose people because of mental health.
      And yay, another feminist on board! ❤️

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  4. Ahhh where is the love button on this thing?! Feminism has such a negative connotation. It doesn’t mean we hate men. It means we want equality. For everyone. To be accepted as we are. It’s so straightforward yet people still manage to make it into some kind of derogatory thing. Baffling.

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    1. It’s not so much about leading… but if both people are competent and qualified, then both should be paid the equal amount financially and with the same amount of recognition. This is not the case right now and it hasn’t been for a long while.

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      1. I’d like to see more people move forward and away from large corporations. This applies to men and women both. More small business means more competition and better opportunity for everyone. Including lady entrepreneurs. I have an acquaintance who runs 3 or 4 small businesses out of her farm including a newspaper. She’s smart. She her subscribers paying to read the advertising for her other businesses and selling add space to several people. My advice to anyone male or female is to follow her example and if they won’t pay you fairly well make them regret losing the chance to have you on the payroll.

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        1. I love that! She sounds like an amazing enterprising woman. If there isn’t a way, make a way. Amazing spirit. And yes, if you are talented, there will always be another place who will appreciate and reward your talents better. We must go where we are appreciated.
          It would be wonderful to see more small businesses flourishing, it would give more power back to the people.

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          1. Nobody will ever appreciate your effort more than you appreciate yourself. I wish that I had learned this lesson earlier in life. I would have never left the farm and become more self sufficient. I believe that it’s a valid option for anyone who wants to improve their lives.

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  6. I love the “Real Men Are Feminists” picture.
    I’m not entirely sure how people manage to screw up the idea of feminism and think it’s negative. It’s basic, really: Equality. And how could that be a bad thing?

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    1. I think sometimes people don’t want to recognise it because they believe it won’t benefit them and sometimes why care when they are already benefiting more from the system. :/ but I think we’re working towards it and seeing changes gradual though it may be.
      Glad you noticed and like the picture! 😉

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  7. So much truth in this!! I always get so annoyed at people who complain about feminists as if it’s something exclusive to women. It’s all about equality between men and women! Great post, thank you for sharing your thoughts!! 😁

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  8. I love every point you made on this important post especially in regards to men. Toxic masculinity/rape culture/”the status quo” are all feeding this awful beast where men aren’t allowed to be vulnerable and women are asking for “it.” We need feminism because life can and should be better for all of us.

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    1. It really is harming men, especially if you look at the alarming suicide rates and I’m starting to see some changes in the system, so glad to see women coming forward. Now if only they didn’t let rapists get away with their crimes just because they have a “bright future.” 🤦‍♀️

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  11. Interesting post! I really like #1.

    #2 — I totally agree with you, but I’m sure many feminists would disagree as they are highly critical of female characters in traditional gender roles.

    #4– “All sizes” of women are not equally beautiful, e.g., 115 vs. 300 pounds. However, I recently said to someone (who didn’t think she was beautiful) that “everyone is beautiful–if they smile!”

    #7 — I don’t respect anyone (male or female) who engages in serial promiscuity. It is by definition, slut behavior: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/slut

    Promiscuity has negative consequences when repeated by enough people, enough times.

    You can get an STD, have an unplanned pregnancy, and it makes it more difficult to have a long-term relationship due to emotional bonds (soul entanglement) with previous partners.

    In a healthy society, it is good to “stigmatize” behaviors that have negative consequences. When they aren’t stigmatized, it causes more people to live immorally.

    Minor edit–
    “working woman, then do you.” [incomplete sentence]

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  12. I was nodding my head yes at every single point! Great quote from Anushka Sharma.
    The whole not like other girls thing makes me want to throw books! And I think people who pigeon hole Arya and Sansa especially just see what they want to see they miss Sansa’s moments of strength and Arya’s vulnerability, grief and trauma.
    So much great stuff here!

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    1. To even say that “you’re not like other girls” is to diminish and ridicule your entire sex in one sentence… how very unfeminist of them. 🙃 Yeah, they see what they want to see on a surface level and don’t care to look deeper. And I so love the fact that you’ve noticed how vulnerable and traumatised Arya is, people only see her strength instead of the young girl who is suffering. Both characters have PTSD if they cared to look, they just deal with it differently. I want to ask those who praise Arya but mock Sansa: do YOU even fight, bro?
      And thank you for your comment, it really made me think deeper! 🤗

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  13. Loved this post! It saddens me just how a movement for equality got so notorious despite that the only other way to do things is sexism. You have explained everything so patiently. Hats off to that 🙂

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  16. I just found your page and liked the content.I am new here and I am taking your page as an example.I agree with what you shared and thank you for doing so.I am a feminist as well.

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  17. I completely agree with what you’ve said here! I always try to explain to my male friends the importance of feminism, and the importance of choice- whether that’s over a woman’s body, a career, or another path in life. I’m so glad you’ve repeated the same ideas that I always try to put forward. And the one about not bringing down other women- so important. You would be surprised how many anti-feminist comments towards other women, actually come from women themselves! We have to unite to defeat inequality ❤ Great post, thank you so much for sharing 🙂

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    1. I’m so glad to see that you’ve taken the wonderful initiative to teach your male friends. We must all do this.

      And I completely agree, it’s surprising that anti-feminist comments come from women mostly. But it also teaches you how much internalised misogyny we’ve been harbouring. The biggest complaint is that feminists hate men because of sayings like ‘men are trash.’ We are aware that ‘not all men’ are like that but both anti-feminists and feminists acknowledge the existence of a patriarchal system that has caused systematic violence in all forms toward women. Information is available, but not everyone is willing to do the research to clarify their misconceptions. Which is why I felt it was important to convey that feminism is for both men and women working towards breaking down toxic systems.

      And thank you for your insightful comment. ❤️🙌🏼

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      1. I have attempted to, I suppose. Ignorance is not an option for either sex in this issue!

        I think sometimes anti-feminist comments come from women perhaps through desperation… It’s blatantly obvious that there aren’t a lot of positions at the top for women, and this can contribute to workplace ‘bitchiness.’

        I definitely agree that we must educate in order to help the cause, as there are so many dangerous misconceptions. Great post, and thank you for your kind words 🙂 ❤

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        1. If they took the time out to learn, they would understand, I believe. I know I didn’t believe at first but then as I continued to see and gain life experience, I knew we were dealt a truly poor card and in the process, harmed both men and women psychologically, socially and economically. Yet… they agree with everything we fight for (except for slut-shaming but that depends more on cultural factors) and refuse to be called a feminist. How can you be a feminist in practise but say you’re not a feminist?

          Hmm, that’s an interesting thought. Competition could attribute to this, it’s a very likely possibility, it’s a dog eat dog world but hey, this is why we need feminism, to make it a more doggy dog world (quoting Gloria on Modern Family 🤣).

          And thank you one again for your comment. It’s been a fun discussion! My brain is very happy right now. 😇

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          1. I completely agree. There’s a real problem with men not wanting to associate themselves with the movement… I hope this will change in the future 🙂 ahahaha, good quote there 😉

            Thank you, I’ve really enjoyed discussing this with you 🙂 In the future I’m going to do more discussion posts on my blog, it’s really great to hear everyone’s thoughts on important issues!

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  18. I agree with your assessment of feminism, but as a man I really want to call attention to the severe need for male feminists. More men need to stand up to women’s rights and the end of toxic masculinity, both of which will benefit all of us. 🙂

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    1. Oftentimes, feminism is misunderstood by men sadly. I recall one experience of a 27 YO male teacher who believed that higher management roles are predominantly filled by men because women don’t pursue these roles and that’s why feminism doesn’t make sense to him. Fortunately, I got him around in the end. Other times, there’s a lot of stigma attached to men being feminists because it’s considered “a girls thing” which shows the lack of research.
      Otherwise, I am really glad to welcome aboard another male feminist & I’m sure you will continue to spread the light. 🙂

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  31. Great post!!! I love every single point you made! But especially the first one. You can be yourself no matter what you want to be. You want to stay home cook, clean, and raise the kids? That is fine? You want to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company and don’t want kids? Thats fine too! Feminism to me is the ability to be able to make that choice and to have the same opportunity as everyone else!

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    1. Exactly! It’s the importance of having the choice to be whoever the hell you want to be and society accepting a woman’s choice… and there’s nothing wrong with being a housewife if it makes you happy! So glad you understood that message. 🙂

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  34. Absolutely amazing post!! I love being a feminist. I love empowering women. I LOVE when empowered women teach me things. This post summed up many of my feelings in ways that I didn’t know how to. Great message all around. Thank you!

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    1. Thank you!! 💕 When I came home and saw all the wonderful comments, I can’t tell you how happy I was! So happy to hear that this resonated with you and that I have a new feminist friend! 🙌🏼

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  35. I am floored. I’ve been browsing for an hour on this site and was beginning to lose hope on finding any more intersectional feminists. This was funny, real, and so witty. I enjoyed every second of reading it. Thank you so so much for saying this.

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  36. This is such a lovely post. I completely agree with all your points and am glad that you have come out and stated them in such a blunt way. Feminism is something that many people fail to understand and through this post, I hope there is more awareness!
    Being a stay at home mother does not mean that you are any less than a full time working mother. Every one wants different things out of their life and I think Feminism is something that gives you the choice to go after what you want and live the way you want.
    Great post! xx

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    1. Thank you, Jayati! 🙂 It’s all about, as women, being able to make independent choices that impact our life that have been denied to us for so long, it doesn’t matter what we want to do, it’s the about having the right to choose. So glad you feel the same and thank you for your lovely comment. 💖

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